Team Pushup

Day 12 - Destination Melbourne

"Someone should tell boofheads like that to pull their head in" Nick Farr-Jones talking about Australian journalists beating up innocuous quotes in an attempt to put pressure on their own country's team

I'm in Melbourne this week, busier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, however still had time for a little Google experiment.  I searched the words 'Quade' and 'Boofhead', and got 42,000 results.  The words 'Nevy' and 'Legend' generated 325,000.  Therefore, if Quade is a boofhead, Nevy is a legend.  In fact, she is 8 times more of a legend than Quade is a boofhead. 

'Warne' and 'metrosexual' generated 2.8 million results. Draw your own conclusions.  See if this helps.

 

Speaking of metrosexuals, I'm predicting Italy to smash Russia later tonight.  Given it's currently 38-7I think I'm on to a winner. I'm a bit concerned about their latest uniforms though.

 

I might struggle to blog for the next few days, so I'm going to go out on a limb and predict Tonga to overwhelm Japan and South Africa to just scrape past a fired-up Namiba - each game by about 50 or so.

I managed to do about 100 pushups today during breaks.  That puts me roughly 1000 away from where I need to be.  I'm trying not to think too much about that. 

I'm also not trying to think about the weight I've gained while I've been away, having eaten in some of the best eateries in Melbourne the last few days.  Speaking of which, I'm off to a steakhouse with my man JZ.  Will start to catchup on situps tomorrow, I promise...

Day 10 - Paddy Whacked

“Whoops, sorry bro” young bloke in an Irish jersey as he bumped into Mike Colman at Eden Park last night

There’s a certain rugby tragic in my family who loves to say she follows the All Blacks and whoever is playing the Wallabies.  She’s lived in Australia most of her life, and given she is attending practically every RWC match for the next month, I think Australia has been pretty good to her.  However the sea of green at Eden Park last night show’s it’s not just her – and green jerseys really help to make that wicked ink really pop, bro.

 

The Wallabies must have felt the vibe, because they just didn’t turn up.  The Irish out-enthused them across the park and deserved the win.  As a result the Aussies have flipped into the dark side of the draw.  There’s no way they’ll survive a South Africa mauling in the quarters and a rampaging All Black horde in the semi.   Dare I say it…4 more years, boys?  I’d be really disappointed if that came back to haunt you, Australia.

Today is the game I’ve been waiting for – Samoa v Wales. 

 
 
This game has some history.  Who could ever forget the upset in 1991, where Samoa beat Wales 16-13 on their home ground at Cardiff Arms Park.  They did it again in 1999, this time by 38-31 at the new Millenium Stadium in Cardiff.  To say the Welsh were miffed would be to say Zara Phillips is slightly annoyed.  In 6 tests overall, the record is tied at 3 a-piece.

However as Jonah Lomu famously said “Statistics are like bikinis, what they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is a mystery to me, bro”.  All I know is we’re going to see some carnage, and I can’t wait.

I don’t want to talk pushups.  I feel like I’ve spent more time on the ground than my dog spends whinging about being outside.  I am behind, but I will prevail, unlike a certain other member of Team Pushup who tearily resigned earlier today. 

Although the dog whinging about being outside all night could’ve played a part in that.

Manu Samoa!!

Day 9 - A Near Tragedy

35-year-old Fijian five-eighth Nicky Little on what he plans to do for his birthday: ''Get on the piss.''

I turned the T.V. on at 5:55pm last night, several minutes before the AB’s-Japan game, having coordinated work, dogs and child in an operation rivalling the takedown of Bin Laden.  A message appeared – “No Signal Detected”.  “That’s weird” I thought, only slightly panicking. “Maybe the other channels will work”.  And as with increasing desperation I pushed every button on the remote, fiddled with cables and turned the T.V. on and off, it dawned on me – the Foxtel was out.

 

When did Foxtel get taken over by robots?  It was at least 8 minutes before I could abuse an Indian call centre operator, although he did have a good point about line-of-sight satellite.  As it turned out the big goddamn wallaby-supporting tree growing down the side of my house had grown an extra leaf overnight in an ill-fated attempt to sabotage my World Cup.  What the tree didn’t realise is my cousin Jesse has mad roof skillz.  Said tree is now missing some major limbs, and my World Cup is back on track.

Smacked out 50 pushups, situps and burpees with my coffee this morning – will need to do that twice a day to keep up.  Especially with the AB’s hitting form – cheehooo!!

Today’s games should be good.  A powerhouse forward battle between Argentina and Romania, hopefully some big Fijian hits for Nicky Little’s birthday on the Yarpies, and a chance for Australia to show some credentials – no excuses for this highly anticipated match against the Irish.  I reckon Argentina to roast Romania by 10, South Africa to slice and dice Fiji by 14 and Australia to lightly sauté Ireland and serve with a red wine jus.  Hmmm.  I could be slightly hungry right now…

Day 8 - The Badgers Den

"I don't know if you've ever been to Disneyland, you look up at the big roller-coaster and you're a little bit excited and a little bit scared at the same time. We know we're going to have a good time but there's apprehension at the same time.''  Japan coach John Kirwan, making alternative plans for while his team plays tonight against the All Blacks.

I knew it was going to be a long day when I opened the paper and found out that Gordon Ramsay's dwarf porn double Percy Foster was found dead in a badger den in Wales.  While I can’t wait for the Crimestoppers re-enactment, it’s fair to say that many details remain outstanding, including the identity of the badger.  This may be it:

 

That could also be Richie McCaw.

Comparisons may be drawn between this grisly crime and today’s game between Japan and the AB’s, although I’m not the man to draw them.  I’m also not on board with John Kirwan’s Disneyland theory, unless there is a new Mickey Mouse ride that beats the crap out of you for 80 minutes.  If Japan is to be any chance today, they’ll need more than a few of these:

 

The AB’s should wash over them like a large tidal wave of some sort (too soon?) and get the first 50 point blowout of the tournament.  Which means I’ll be spending all day tomorrow doing pushups.  I’m not even going to put up the current score, other than to say I’m walking around the office like I’m carrying luggage.

TGIF.

Day 7 - The Luke Warm War

“I must break you…” Ivan Drago to Rocky Balboa, 1985

 

A part of me died when the Cold War ended.  All that unresolved tension.  The space race.  The arms race.  The vodka race (or was that just me?).  Rocky v Drago.  Clint Eastwood v the entire Russian air force.  Rambo v the entire Russian army.  At any point we could all be blown up, and we wouldn’t even know it had happened.  But we made awesome movies about it - without CGI - and I loved it.

And everything was bigger in Russia.  Their T-72 was a bigger tank.  Their nuclear meltdown was a bigger disaster.  Their president was a bigger drinker.  Their Siberian winters were a bigger incentive for their workers.  And their drugs made bigger atheletes. 

Unfortunately their economic crises were also bigger, and the country collapsed like Boris Yeltsin at Octoberfest.  Most of their good rugby players were from Georgia (ask Scotland – they’ll tell you).  More importantly, most of their good drugs were from East Germany.  Unfortunately what they’re left with now is a combination of young amateurs and old drunks who couldn't make the RWC representing their own country.  Kind of like a Keas Mt Isa end of season tour.  On that basis, I’m tipping a 28 point win to the USA later today.

Yesterday’s win by Samoa was strong, and I reckon the Welsh and the South African’s will be buying up big on ice packs in anticipation.  The game of the day though was the inspirational win by Canada. They battled tough conditions and a physical Tongan side to score the last 2 tries, and then hit the rucks like a Vancouver riot to grind out the win.   Tonga probably needs to switch the forwards with the backs to look like a more traditional rugby side, however I’m still backing them for a win later in the tournament.  And there’s nothing wrong with 120kg five eights anyway.

A good tough workout this morning with Nevy.  “This better be in the blog” she growled at me while destroying a set of push-ups.  It is Nevy.  And after this morning you only have 415 pushups, 88 burpees and 245 situps owing.  Good work, team pushup!

Day 6 - Bring the Pain

"We've lost seven of our last eight matches. Only team that we've beaten was Western Samoa. Good job we didn't play the whole of Samoa." Gareth Davies

Short post today - hate it when work gets in the way of rugby - needless to say I am excited about the World Cup debut of the Wallaby-beating Samoa today.  Let me express my feelings towards Namibia thusly:

 

I'm falling way behind on pushups but intend to rectify that with a tough session tonight.  I currently owe 280 pushups, 80 burpee/chinups and 174 situps.  Even if I do half of these tonight, I imagine the bill tomorrow is going to be large.  Just glad I'm not Nevy or Tamster, who need to start ramping things up!

Tips.  Samoa to destroy Namibia, Tonga to just get over Canada, and Scotland to take out their frustrations on poor old Georgia.

Manu Samoa!

 

 

Day 3 - Paint it Black

"Look what these bastards have done to Wales. They’ve taken our coal, our water, our steel. They buy our houses and they only live in them for a fortnight every 12 months. What have they given us? Absolutely nothing. We’ve been exploited, raped, controlled and punished by the English – and that’s who you are playing this afternoon." Phil Bennett

If that was the Welsh speech, imagine what the Argentinian's were saying to each other before last nights game against England.  And then imagine the confusion when the opposition turned out dressed in black, with a Samoan inside centre. What the hell kind of bizarro world is this?

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  Personally I think the all-black strip shows England has the rugby equivalent of daddy issues, and it reflected in their play.  Luckily for them the Argentinian kickers couldn't hit the ground if they fell out of a plane.  A lucky escape.  I doubt we'll see the black jerseys with sticky-taped numbers again this world cup.

The only highlight from a low scoring game was the amount of pushups generated.  Between them, Wilkinson, Contepomi and Rodrigues saved us about 50 reps.  However there were 16 tries in the earlier games, as a result my carry over score is currently 170 pushups, 114 situps and 44 burpees.  Nevy is in a world of hurt - despite running a Nevy World Record time in this morning's Bridge to Brisbane, she now owes 230 situps, 162 situps and 52 burpees.  And that's before this afternoon's 3 matches... 

What's gonna happen this arvo?  Australia is going to slice and dice Italy, and serve them el dente with a nice Samo sauce.  The Irish are then going to go all 9/11 on the USA (10 years - that's not too soon is it)? However the best game will be tonight, when the old chargers of South Africa will need to fight hard against a handy Welsh team.  In fact, I'm going to back the Welsh in an upset - go hard, you leek-eating bastards!!

Day 2 - The Smell of Death

"Sort of desolate, decayed, the smell of - I don't want to dramatise it - but death, you know. That is what it feels like, no-man's-land, and it is not a nice place to be." New Zealand's Anton Oliver on the dressing-room mood after defeat to France in the Rugby World Cup.

The smell of death was strong this morning.  I wasn't sure if it was real, or part of my nightmare involving the AB's not winning the cup again.  It's true that I was worried about the AB's second half, but this seemed to be taking things too far.

Unfortunately it turned out to be a recently deceased possum that my thoughtful puppies presented me with when I opened the front door.  If I could just take that killer instinct and give it to the AB's, I thought.  If the possum had a head it probably would've thought the same.

Still, too early to worry too much.  Besides which I had pushups to do.

The toll from last night was 7 tries / 70 pushups, 5 conversions / 20 burpees and 4 penalties / 24 situps.  I did them with the other members of Team Pushup - Nevy and Tam - halfway through a ride on a pretty laid back tri training session.  So laid back the girls went all Charlies Angels on me.

 

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I then watched Scotland almost lose to Romania, and did another 60 pushups, 8 burpees and 48 situps.  Much easier doing it during the game.  But then Fiji started pounding Namibia and I decided to carry over the rest of the day until tomorrow.  Which is when we're doing a 10km run and then there are 3 more games, on top of the rest of the games today.

Gulp.

Tips - Fiji to smash Namibia, France to surprsingly just get over Japan and Argentina to reverse the Falklands result and upset England.  Hell yeah.

Day 1 - Pleasure and Pain

"If we have to play against New Zealand, I'll explain it like this. To win, their 15 players have to have a diarrhoea and we will have to put snipers around the field shooting at them and then we have to play the best match of our lives." Argentina second row Juan Martin Fernandez Lobbe.

Rugby World Cup 2011 is finally here! 20 teams, 6 weeks, and 48 games, which for the non-mathematicians adds up to 3,840 minutes of bone-crunching, heart-thumping legalised violence.

Being a rugby tragic, I feel it is my duty to watch every single minute of every single game.  While this will be a good result for my rugby brain, it will not be a good result for my rugby ass.

So I've come up with a simple challenge.  Every time a try is scored, I will do 10 crossfit standard pushups.  If the try is converted, I will do 4 strict chin-ups.  And for every penalty goal, I will do 6 crossfit standard sit-ups. 

My calculation is that this will cancel out the beer, snacks and general ass-sitting otherwise associated with watching 64 hours of rugby.

I will try and do the exercises during the game, but if for logistical reasons I can't do it (i.e. drinking beer, working, drinking beer while working etc) then I will do them within 24 hours.  And I will use this blog to keep myself honest.

You're welcome to join in.  Nevy has already signed up as a member of Team Pushup, substituting burpees for chin-ups.  I'll be making sure she gets chest to ground.

And of course we should focus on the games.  It all kicks off tonight with the AB's versus Tonga, and I don't expect the Tongan's will be thinking like our Argentinian mate Juan.  Their mindset will be around doing as much damage as possible, disrupting the rucks, smashing the backs and generally causing Islander havoc. 

There's a reason the AB's have picked an Islander rich team though, including SBW and Nonu in the centres, and my main man and cuzzy bro Richard Kahui on the wing.  Expect the Kiwi's to weather the early storm and run away with it in the end.  I'm betting AB's by 40. 

Which means I better start warming the shoulders up...